Fear and Epiphany
As I write this it is Friday September the fourth and I’ve been sitting with fear for a few hours. Just letting it be there. Puzzling where it is coming from and what it means to me. It’s funny how practicing reading the grounding exercise got me very grounded. It stripped away the everyday shit that sits on the surface so we don’t have to think about or deal with the deeper shit.
Fear, fear of failure, fear of not being good enough, fear of fucking it up, fear that no one wants what I have to offer. FEAR, fucking fear. It was there sitting in me. I let me feel it, it needed that feeling. It needed care and love. That fear needed me to be brave enough to feel it, not push it away again. So I felt it. I puzzled over it. Started looking at it. Where was it coming from?
What came to me as I sat with fear is that it is based on an old notion, an old failure, and the past. It is based in the abuse from high school, from the failure of my health coaching business, and in the belief that somehow I can never be good enough. All this I know is not true. The fear is based on notions that are no where near any truth. I am fond of saying emotions are not rational because all too often it is true. Emotions often make no sense.
It came to me while watching a video on self love that, this is so big for me after sitting with fear. That I am already a success. I am there and successful. This revelation is so freaking huge for me. You have no idea, or maybe you do. So huge! I’m already a success.
I show up for my business and clients, for my bridge job, and my life. I show up and do the work for me to be happy, safe, and secure in me. Showing up makes me wildly successful. Success starts here in my ability to sit with an emotion that does not feel good.
Once this thought came to me. I felt fear slide away, fell away from me. With fear gone and success realized, it was then I could feel my solar plexus start humming away. Purring with the knowing that yes this is a Truth for me. I am successful no matter what I am doing or where I am at in my journey.